It seems I’ve done in adoption what I do in pregnancy. I have decided I am DONE with this process before it’s even over. The end is in sight, with her arrival somewhere in the foggy distance, but I have no idea when “the day” will actually be (much like pregnancy when you don’t induce – which we didn’t). And I have officially become a little insane about the whole thing. I check email constantly. And I restrain myself from emailing or calling USCIS because there’s a fine line between being the squeaky wheel that gets the grease and being the American whiner that gets stuck at the bottom of the stack. If March weren’t such a crazy month I would seriously consider just going down there and camping out until she’s ready to come home. I haven’t seen my girl since June. It makes me hurt when I stop and think about it.
Like physical pregnancy, this is a growing process, both figuratively and literally (stupid anxiety-induced-eating). The Lord is stretching me. I can hear His voice faintly behind all the crazy in my head. And He breaks through in unexpected places, like in this Elisabeth Elliot quote in a Facebook post last night from my friend Jenna….
God is God. Because he is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what he is up to.
And these things in my quiet time this morning….
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
And this gem from Jesus Calling…
Keep your eyes on Me! Waves of adversity are washing over you, and you feel tempted to give up. As your circumstances consume more and more of your attention, you are losing sight of Me. Yet I am with you always, holding you by your right hand I am fully aware of your situation, and I will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear.
Your gravest danger is worrying about tomorrow. If you try to carry tomorrow’s burdens today, you will stagger under the load and eventually fall flat.
And today as I’m driving I realize it’s time to repent. Time to repent of my own timelines and trying to hold God to my schedule. Time to repent of wanting my own way and release that to Him and trust in His timing. Time to let it all go and lay it all down at His feet. Because even though I may not always know what He is up to, I know that it’s something good.
Lord, I am sorry for my lack of patience in this process and for not trusting you and your timing. I give this back to you, Lord. I lay this child and this process at your feet and choose to trust that your plan is best. Lord, give me the courage and the peace to do this every day and to continue to rest in you.
For His Glory ~