For two weeks she wrestles with insignificance and discontent and the desire for more out of life.  And she wonders where is the line between contentment and complacency, between feeling settled and feeling like you were made for more than menu plans and car pools?  On one hand she’s more than satisfied with this simple life and on the other she longs for adventure and creativity and a little bit of the unknown.  And she wonders what does God want for this one life He’s given?  What is His best?

And she comes to the end of two weeks and has no answers, only more questions, more wrestling.  Her husband encourages her to find what she’s passionate about and invest in it.  But that takes time and energy, neither of which are found in abundance these days.

So she reads.  She reads Found and has thoughts on prayer and drawing closer to God, but is most struck by the one line “Maybe….I want God to like me most.”  And maybe that cuts to the heart of it a bit?  Wanting to be liked the most….by God, by others.  It’s a disease called people pleasing and it’s a hard one to reconcile with that second-born nature of also needing to be a little bit different from those around you.  She finds herself in constant paradox.

And she thinks on the words of The Nester.  Words on contentment and that “it doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful”.  And those words spoke peace to her domestic side over the summer but now maybe they are speaking on a deeper level.  Perhaps this imperfect, obscure life that feels so small is a place to learn contentment, patience, trust, faith.

And she knows that it’s in the hidden places God grows us, deepens our roots to make us strong for the future, and like winter for trees, dormant seasons give us rest.  But she longs for spring and life and productivity.  She longs to see fruit and abundance and growth.

She has no answers and so she waits in the silence.  She waits for the rain.

For His Glory ~