For two weeks she wrestles with insignificance and discontent and the desire for more out of life. And she wonders where is the line between contentment and complacency, between feeling settled and feeling like you were made for more than menu plans and car pools? On one hand she’s more than satisfied with this simple life and on the other she longs for adventure and creativity and a little bit of the unknown. And she wonders what does God want for this one life He’s given? What is His best?
And she comes to the end of two weeks and has no answers, only more questions, more wrestling. Her husband encourages her to find what she’s passionate about and invest in it. But that takes time and energy, neither of which are found in abundance these days.
So she reads. She reads Found and has thoughts on prayer and drawing closer to God, but is most struck by the one line “Maybe….I want God to like me most.” And maybe that cuts to the heart of it a bit? Wanting to be liked the most….by God, by others. It’s a disease called people pleasing and it’s a hard one to reconcile with that second-born nature of also needing to be a little bit different from those around you. She finds herself in constant paradox.
And she thinks on the words of The Nester. Words on contentment and that “it doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful”. And those words spoke peace to her domestic side over the summer but now maybe they are speaking on a deeper level. Perhaps this imperfect, obscure life that feels so small is a place to learn contentment, patience, trust, faith.
And she knows that it’s in the hidden places God grows us, deepens our roots to make us strong for the future, and like winter for trees, dormant seasons give us rest. But she longs for spring and life and productivity. She longs to see fruit and abundance and growth.
She has no answers and so she waits in the silence. She waits for the rain.
For His Glory ~
3 thoughts on “Wait”
Thank you for sharing your heart, Sara. I’m in a season of restlessness myself. Weary of so any things and feeling worn and unmotivated. Overwhelmed by the responsibilities of my life and feeling the need to be nurtured myself. Looking for joy and fighting discouragement. Julianne
I hear you. Speak truth to yourself and cling to it. That’s what I’m preaching to myself today. And remember what I read today in regards to home schooling (but I think also much of motherhood), “Everyone wants to quit in November and February.” Hang in there, my friend!
It is hard to be in a tight place that refines and stretchs you so much……. it hurts and is lonely…. you can tell people yet they can not fully understand because He writes our perfect life for us. To grow and use us for His glory and to be a light for Him.
It took 40 years of preparing Moses in the desert to be ready to go before Pharoh about letting His people go.
He is busy getting us ready for more whatever it is but yet wants us to be faithful in little every day things so He can know we will b ready.
Thankful for your sharing and honesty. It means more than I can say.