For When You Wear Regret Like a Robe…..

September 5, 2014 / Sara Vincent / 1 Comment

While on vacation Matt told me about an article he had read, written by someone who regretted saving herself, her virginity, for marriage. And I laughed and said that was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard. I read her article. And my heart breaks for the bad theology she was raised in and for the broken religion she was taught because, based on her post, so much of it is so far from the gospel of grace that Jesus lived. And as a church we have so far to go to teach our young people that purity matters but it does not define us and that we stay pure because we trust that the God who made us really does know what is best for us, not because of pride or fear or shame. And this morning I read Ann’s words on why to wait and they were beauty and grace.

On that same vacation I read Just 18 Summers and pondered the caricatured pressure, anxiety, and regret these families lived with and how they were an over-stated reflection of what so many of us feel and it seems to me that Satan has two primary tactics in which he wages war – pride and regret. And while the book and the article are unrelated, the messages of pride and regret go hand-in-hand.

We wear our pride and think we could never make those bad choices, do those awful things – never have sex outside of marriage, never drink too much, smoke, do drugs, yell at our parents / spouse / children. Because we’re good people, rule followers, righteous, and we just.don’t.do.that. Until we do. We fall and we stumble and we sin and we wake up in the dirt and mess of our own choices. And while all can be forgiven, none can be undone. And regret climbs on like a weight we can’t put down and it follows everywhere like an ugly shadow.

Or our pride keeps us on edge, trying to put forth an image, make us something we know we’re really not – pulled together, controlled, prepared, practically perfect in every way. Until we realize we’re not. And we see the time that was wasted pretending when we could have been living real. And our heart breaks for the relationships lost and broken while chasing the wind.

And I know regret well. I can’t fathom regretting saving oneself for marriage. It just doesn’t register. But I can I understand the feelings of how is this suddenly okay, when it’s never been okay before. I get that. But giving away pieces of one’s soul in the name of being more at ease on your wedding night seems counter-productive. But I know Satan will use any method to keep us from experiencing the fullness of God’s love, even to the point of making someone regret trusting His word. And I have bags full of stuff I could carry around and regret from my pre-marriage life, but I’ve never been a big fan of living with regret and I see how those things shaped me and changed me and life carries on because God is bigger than all of it. And while my pride was totally stripped, regret never really haunted me.

Until I became a mother. And the thought of how my singular influence could so shape a life and that latent perfectionist within has never been able to handle the pressure and Satan found a way to saddle me with that burden of regret early and I daily have to lay it down. The things that should have been said differently, or not said, or should have been said that weren’t. The time that should have been used more wisely. The snuggles I skipped, the stories we didn’t read, the encouragement I didn’t give to my husband or children. And the hours I could spend focusing on what didn’t happen…..that’s when Satan wins a victory. Oh, I could invest so much time and energy into what could have been but what would be the point? I cannot go back. I don’t intend to have more babies just so I can try again. God has given me this one marriage and these five girls. He’s given me eyes to see where we need to go, not just what we missed in the past. I can’t go back and re-do any of it. But I can make the most of now – being present, being available, being real.

And I think this concept of regret is a fairly Western, 21st century problem. I don’t imagine my grandparents or great-grandparents or yours sitting around the fire at night lamenting all the “quality time” and “experiences” their children didn’t get. They didn’t feel pressured to provide swimming pools or elaborate fire pits or elite sports teams or study abroad opportunities to make their lives full. They lived their one life the best they could. They loved, cared, and provided for their families the best they knew how. Our generation has the luxury of worrying about the quality of time we spend with each other or activities we are involved in and we’re killing ourselves because of it.

There are so many many things that could have been done differently. I don’t want to spend this one life looking back wishing for a do-over. I want to look ahead with hope and joyful anticipation of all that God can make out of the ashes of a messed up past. He makes beautiful things….

For His Glory ~

*image source – Pinterest; original source unknown

Weeks in Review: 2014 {Weeks 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, & 35}

September 4, 2014September 4, 2014 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

Sometimes the need, the drive, to put words on paper, characters on screen….sometimes it’s deep and maddening and yet the words won’t come or time won’t stop long enough to let them flow. And so a list or two and some photos. Because time goes so fast and I don’t want to forget these moments or how to find my words.

July was:

Grace going to Kanakuk
a glorious time on the lake with friends for the Fourth
Grace going to Haiti
Ellie enjoying her first year at Camp Enosh and Chandler enjoying her last
celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary
a week of nothing but laying by the pool with the girls
sorting through nine years of school files and still keeping too much stuff
Chandler’s first trip to Schlitterbahn
a LeCrae concert
back to school preparations and planning

August was:

our oldest turning fourteen
littlest one losing her two front teeth and learning to ride a bike (not related events 😉 )
the start of fall sports with volleyball and soccer practices
finally getting all of Amania’s documents updated with her American name
a few days away with my beloved soaking up the sun and burning through a stack of books and nourishing heart and soul, mind and body
the return of Friday classes for the girls
lots of race prep as Capitol Craze draws closer
friends in for the weekend to close out the month
a tour of our newly renovated Capitol building – architectural beauty

And of course, both were filled with countless good gifts…….

Jesus looked up at said, ‘Father, I thank you that you have heard me.’ (John 11:41)

The sequence of events in this passage seems strange and unusual. Lazarus was still in the tomb, yet Jesus’ thanksgiving preceeded the miracle of raising him from the dead….Jesus gave thanks for what He was about to receive. His gratitude sprang up before the blessing had arrived, in an expression of assurance that it was certainly on its way.

Streams in the Desert, August 4

And as I teach my girls that feeling follows action, I’m reminded that the practice of counting the gifts, looking for the gifts, often shows us just how much we have to be thankful for and a grateful heart starts to overflow. For God is a gracious and generous giver. We need only to open our eyes to see.

3006. a God who tramples our iniquities underfoot and casts all our sins into the sea (Micah 7:18-19)

3007. oldest off to Haiti for a week; this mama heart leaking just a bit

3008. fifteen years of marriage – lessons of love, sacrifice, friendship, and intimacy

3009. faith

3010. fire pit, friends, and s’mores

3011. girls all home

3012. mild evenings

3013. a broken Saturday – tears, struggle

3014. a Sunday that makes strong – music, sermon, concert

3015. beautiful Monday and little projects completed

3016. grocery shopping with Minion #4

3017. a fourteen year old in the house

3018. summer ending, but not quite over

3019. August thunderstorm; heavens declaring His glory

3020. weekend and school planning and the super moon

3021. September weather in August

3022. window shopping with my people and so much race prep finished

3023. weekends and friends and laughter and new church additions and a day of rest

3024. a week and the beach and my beloved – resting, reading, reconnecting

3025. G’s Frozen Custard and last day of summer treats

3026. the first day of a new school year

3027. meeting with Jesus in the early morning quiet

3028. remembering that gentleness toward them is worship of Him

Time flies, my friends. Treasure the moments. List the gifts. Be all there for this one life you have to live.

For His Glory ~

What Will Your Verse Be…..

August 11, 2014August 11, 2014 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

I don’t normally post, comment, or react much to news from Hollywood, but tonight the interwebs and social media are filled with stories of Robin Williams’ death and memories of his life. And my own heart feels heavy from the loss. He was wildly funny, unpredictable, talented, gifted even – and we knew he had to be broken on the inside. Those that make the world laugh hardest are often the most broken. But his humor was redeeming, his stories resonated, his characters were so human and so real. He inspired us. He challenged us. He made us laugh and cry and laugh until we cried.

And as someone who has been there, who has wanted to just give up and not have to hurt any more, my heart breaks for Robin and his family. The world lost a great comedian today. His family lost a husband, a father, a friend. And an awareness has been restored to depression and bipolar disorder – the need to reach out, to offer help, to give hope to the hopeless.

Oh, there is so much hurt in the world tonight. The death of an actor is but one of many losses in a world riddled with headlines of chaos and fear and death and we all need so much hope and courage just to face the day.

Lord, the world is aching tonight. Hold us close. We only get so many turns around this great sun. May we use the time You give us to share Your love and news of Your endless mercy and goodness.

(a clip from one of my very favorite movies “Dead Poets Society”; scroll to the bottom to mute the music before watching)

For His Glory ~

Fourteen

August 3, 2014August 3, 2014 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

This one. Today she is fourteen and lovely and nearly as tall as me. This year she will begin high school and learn to drive. And it only just now seems reasonable to me that I should have a five year old, but I look over and I have a young woman. And it seems just yesterday that she was sitting on the couch watching Dora the Explorer and Blue’s Clues with her eyes watering because she would.not.blink. And how does this wonderful world spin so fast?

Sidenote and unrelated fact about the above picture: Grace is now babysitting for that swim instructor’s two year old son. How time flies….

This child is our guinea pig child – the first born that is one constant experiment in parenting do’s and don’t’s. And we’ve learned so much and we have so much left to learn and the next several years will bring a whole new level of education as we navigate goals and plans and new freedoms and responsibilities and the inevitable interest in and of the opposite sex.

But for today we give thanks for the gift of this girl – the first of our five. She remains steadfast, responsible, strong, more than a little stubborn sometimes, funny, incredibly artistic, smart, and with a heart captivated by Haiti. This mama heart is not ready for the letting go that the next few years will bring, but God has plans for her. Big, good, wonderful, beautiful plans for her life. And she is His to use.

Happy Birthday, my beautiful Grace.

Love,

Mama

Things to Remember

August 1, 2014August 1, 2014 / Sara Vincent / 2 Comments

On Saturday there were tears, and maybe some gnashing of teeth, as worries over children and their character overwhelmed. As some problems were brought to light and as the new school year looms ever-closer, this mama’s heart was heavy and discouraged. Every fault, every failure, every short-coming, it seemed, could be traced right back to me and I felt, once again, I could never be enough. And Sunday dawned with much needed heart-felt worship and a sermon kicked off with Pharrel Williams’ “Happy”. And the day ended with a LeCrae concert and an unexpectedly amazing time of worship and encouragement and just plain fun. Some things were remembered that Sunday that need to be remembered again and again. Things like God’s faithfulness and His promise and that these children are His and as parents we must do our best, but it’s not about us. Some thoughts from the past couple of weeks that my soul has been holding tightly to:

Why aren’t we more enthusiastic? (All of the following is from Pastor Jim’s current sermon series, until noted otherwise):
- we forget how good we have it
- we have unrealistic expectations
- we have a grumpy gene (heh 🙂 )
Colossians 3:12-17 (ESV) – Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another,forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Choose to set your mind on the things of Christ.
- Oh my mind has not been here. I have been distracted by so many things; many good things even, but not Christ. But my prayer of late has been that Jesus would make Himself first in my heart again.
How do we become more enthusiastic?
- Let the peace of the Messiah control your heart.
- Be thankful.
- Let the message dwell richly.
On parenting:
- Know your child. Know yourself. Know Christ. (oh yes!)
- Some people are just runners. They will run from law and they will run from grace. Law (legalism) does not draw anyone back. Grace draws its own back home. Hold fast to the gospel of grace.
Romans 12:11 (NLT) – Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.

And then there was that LeCrae concert, with speakers like Tyrone Flowers and Phil Davis and that oft needed reminder that this world is more than what we see and that there is a daily battle for our hearts and minds. And fresh off my own emotional wrestling over kids and choices and hearts, Tyrone Flowers pulls out Jeremiah 29:11, that verse that has given me hope for over twenty years, and God quietly reminded me that not only does He have a plan for me, He has a plan for them too. Each of those girls sitting to my right was created by Him – on purpose and for a purpose. And while I definitely have a job to do with them, their ultimate outcome is not up to me. He has a plan. I can trust that plan. It may not look like I want it to look, but He has a plan and it is good.

For His Glory ~

A Decade and a Half

July 17, 2014 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

Fifteen years today. Fifteen years of marriage. Fifteen years of life and love and chasing dreams and chasing kids. Fifteen years of working through struggles and laughing about them later. Fifteen years of friendship and intimacy, the depth of which I didn’t know was possible. Fifteen years – five kids, four houses, a business, and memories to last a lifetime. Fifteen years of learning to lean on each other and lean harder on God.

So much has changed in a decade and a half. And so much has stayed the same. We’ve both grown and matured. Our preferences and opinions have changed over the years. We’ve struggled through petty conflicts and big decisions. But our love, our commitment to each other, our faith in God, those remain and have grown deeper and stronger and I can look forward with faith and confidence to the next fifteen (and even fifty) years. Deo volente.

For His Glory ~

Week in Review: 2014 {Weeks 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, & 28}

July 14, 2014 / Sara Vincent / 1 Comment

Really, I should just start calling this series Month in Review. And after you read this, you’ll understand why I can’t keep this blog updated. :-p

June blew by like a hurricane and left us all kind of wondering what just happened to half our summer. The older two spent a week at Summer Sizzle, our church’s week long event for junior high and high school students to kick off the season. With events every morning and evening, they stayed crazy busy. Ellie had ballet camp the same week, and the younger two both had swim lessons. Can anyone say “lots of windshield time” for this mama?

The following week Chandler attended Kanakuk Kampout (please, people, stop misspelling words in the name of being catchy or clever; it is neither). An all day “k”amp for grade schoolers, also hosted at our church, she had an awesome time. Since she will be joining her sisters at Summer Sizzle next year, this was Chandler’s second and last year at Kamp.

The next week we took a mini-vacay as a family to St. Louis / Bloomington, IL. While not what I would classify as a true vacation (I did not come home rested. In fact, I came home desperately needing a nap.), it was a wonderful trip for our family. We visited the Arch, Six Flags (thank you, Read to Succeed program!), and the zoo. Then we drove up to Bloomington to visit friends and represent Lifeline at a benefit race there. Amania was able to see her two friends, Sophie and Tessa, and we were all able to connect with a really great group of people we would not know if it were not for adoption and our involvement with Lifeline. During our time in Illinois, I couldn’t help but reflect on how much larger our family’s world has gotten because of adoption through Lifeline. We have gained so many wonderful friends by serving with the ministry and because of our now forever-connection to Haiti. It’s a beautiful thing, really, how adoption expands the family by much more than the addition of a child.

After returning from St. Louis / Illinois, the older two girls promptly started a soccer camp for a week. Chandler celebrated her 11th birthday. Grace had fundraisers to help pay for her trip to Haiti. Then she left to serve in the kitchen at Kanakuk in Missouri for a week.

The next week we all breathed a small sigh of relief as life slowed down just a smidge. Although it still ended up being a rough week for other reasons. For the 4th we went down to Wichita where we stayed with friends on the lake. Now that was a vacation. Seriously, much-needed and uber-appreciated downtime spent on the lake, in the pool, on a lounge chair….all doing nothing but soaking up sun and laughing with friends. Glorious.

Last week Emma went for three days to Junior High Rampage, our church’s three day retreat for, well, junior highers. She went to Schlitterbahn in KC where she got a sunburn on top of a sunburn (from the weekend in Wichita) and came home with some of the most horrific blisters I’ve seen from burning. Still makes my skin hurt to think of them. Chandler also got to attend her last week of Camp Enosh. The girls have attended this camp, put on by a local church, for years. It’s a bittersweet year for this girl as she closes the book, so to speak, on some of her favorite activities, knowing some really fun stuff of a different kind is coming up for her next summer.

On the other end of the spectrum, Ellie is attending her first week ever at Camp Enosh this week. She’s been watching sisters go for years, and she’s finally old enough. She was super-excited this morning to finally get to experience all she’s been hearing about since she was a toddler. We are also preparing to send our oldest off to Haiti for a week soon. Once she gets back, that signifies the end of major activities for the summer, and I’m pretty sure I will be very happy to have all of my chicks back in the nest.

Meanwhile, over the past few weeks, we’ve been working on some projects around the house. I purged some more spaces. Honestly…..I don’t think I’m a hoarder(?!), but sometimes I frighten myself with the amount of **stuff** I continually find to get rid of. The guest room got a little update. We removed the overly formal bedding, put in a lighter, more contemporary set, added curtains, a side table (that needs to be painted), and changed up the decor a bit. Matt hung a calendar command center in the kitchen for me that I’m excited about. This should keep the fridge less cluttered and hopefully help limit the number of times I answer some of the same questions every day/week/month. I also bought and hung a fun little chalkboard piece with my favorite, oft-repeated Katie Davis quote. Then my love surprised me last week by staying up all night (crazy man) and painting the school room. I didn’t realize just how much I hated the old color until it was gone. It was an awful 1970’s-hospital-green. Flat and dull and depressing. Now, grey and orange, with fun accents….I’m actually (kind of) excited to be down there and start school again.

Our school files from over nine years of home schooling. I threw away a full three tubs of papers and still ended up needing just as many tubs. I’m not sure how that happened. I really should check with someone who knows….I’m not sure I even need anything that’s over a year old, but if we do, I have it, by golly!

This wreath should arrive this week. It’s going to hang on the old window in the previous picture. So excited!

All I need today…

The freshly painted bar area, conveniently located in the freshly painted school room. I’m currently very in love with the mirror, the light, and the ram’s head. And the orange paint.

This is snake number two in less than a week. Found in our basement. Thankfully we have our very own St. Francis living with us, so this snake had a much more peaceful departure than the first one we found.

This book is currently at the top of the stack. Not amazing, a little hard to connect with, but some very good bits throughout. Definitely worth the read.

Lastly, I was challenged / encouraged this past week by a friend to start counting the gifts again. Somewhere in the past six months I stopped counting. The gifts I was listing were starting to sound so repetitive to me so I quit looking and listing. And I became ungrateful without realizing it. So I was thankful to be reminded this week to always be look for those gifts, to keep my heart and eyes open to the good things God is up to in my life. Because He’s always up to something good.

2996. chaos and finding our way

2997. middle girl and turning eleven

2998. oldest child off to camp and my heart breaking just a little

2999. a weekend of rest

3000. God speaking, revealing, leading me back to His way

3001. husband who loves, serves, sacrifices, gives

3002. newly painted school room

3003. hospitality

3004. recognizing spiritual dryness

3005. choosing not to stay there

Wishing you a wonderful week, my friends!

For His Glory ~

This Girl….

June 27, 2014 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

Today this girl turns eleven. And I could say the cliche phrase about how time goes so fast, and it does, but I won’t.

She has always been her own person, in a good way.

Every year I am more amazed by this girl and her amazing heart and the gift she is to me, to our family. And there is so much I could say, but I’m feeling a little speechless and humbled today by the privilege it is to raise this one. She truly inspires me. And she makes me laugh. Two qualities that God’s going to do amazing things with some day.

As I was saying…

With her birthday “twin”, Grammy (Matt’s grandmother).

Chandler, you are a gift. Never stop being who God made you. You are beautiful inside and out and I am blessed to be your mama.

For His Glory ~

Learning to roll….

June 11, 2014 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

A sure sign of the presence of idolatry is inordinate anxiety, anger, or discouragement when our idols are thwarted. So if we lose a good thing, it makes us sad, but if we lose an idol, it devastates us.

~ Tim Keller

God’s been working on my idols lately. Idols I didn’t even realize were idols. Good things like to do lists, productivity, passions, dreams, and the warm summer sun. All of these He’s been working to lay bare the past six weeks. And I have fought hard, but tonight I surrender. I surrender my idea of summer accomplishment and summer relaxation. I realize that, at least right now, our summer looks a lot like our school year – time behind the wheel. And this is life with five active children. And we could say “no” to activities for them. And we have. But these things are good for them and this surrender is good for my heart. And I lean harder on Jesus now, trusting in Him for the things that will or won’t get done over the next several weeks. As I do I feel freedom mounting like wings as I release myself from the pressure to do every.little.thing. before school begins again.

And, oh, I am still hard-wired to be task-oriented; that is how I was made, but I can lay down that idol and focus on the tasks God gives me each day, not the ones I make for myself. I am still driven to do what I can, but tonight I rest in His timing and I choose to let Him stretch me and teach me patience, even in this. And I choose to roll with the waves that life brings. Because what else is there to do but count it all a gift and give thanks? He is good.

For HIs Glory ~

Week in Review: 2014 {Weeks 19, 20, 21, & 22}

June 2, 2014 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

I’m a broken record….how does an entire month keep slipping by between each post? Not cool.

May was our first month of “summer”. School ended and activities wrapped up. We experienced a full week with no where to go and nothing to do. That was glorious. June has started and with it bursts of crazy interspersed with some slow spells. I have high hopes for a great summer.

May wrapped up Emma’s first soccer season. We resisted sports for so many years, partly because I didn’t want the crazy schedule. Practices, games, and the constant changes due to weather and other conflicts; I just wasn’t interested. But this year we relented with volleyball for Grace in the fall and soccer for Amania, then soccer for both Amania and Emma this spring. The schedule was nuts, but it was actually also quite a bit of fun. Getting to observe Emma as she starts to come into her own and doing something her older sister has never done was a gift.

We also wrapped up ballet for the school year with the annual spring recital. Ballet is so very different from sports (duh), even down to its very predictable schedule and year-long build up to a two-minute performance. But it was a blessing to Ellie this year, as she also had a chance to sort of come into her own with an activity that has been done by all of her older sisters, but only by her right now. Watching her in class, I saw this silly, squirrelly girl mature and focus and take this opportunity very seriously. She was lovely in her performance and is very excited about moving up to pre-pointe in the fall.

We celebrated off the “official” end of our school year earlier in the month with a trip over to Kansas City and an afternoon of shopping at the Legends. It was a wonderful afternoon with my girls and a gorgeous day to walk around and shop.

May also meant Mother’s Day, the opening of the pool, and a sweet baby cardinal in our bushes. I don’t think things ended well for this little guy, but we try not to think about that.

So my big goals for the summer include going back through every room in the house, decluttering, cleaning, organizing, and hopefully wrapping up some small projects that don’t involve my very own general contractor’s assistance. I’ve come to the conclusion that moving is some sort of multi-stage process (probably another “duh”). Last summer we packed, unpacked, purged, and put away. But we had to move fast because nothing was really planned and it turned out to be a much bigger project than I think either of us anticipated when we said, “Hey, let’s make an offer on that house!”. Now that we’ve had a year in the house and I don’t feel the pressure of the deadlines, I am going back through and being as thorough and ruthless as I can be. I’ve only been through four rooms and we’ve already sold quite a bit of stuff and hauled five good-sized boxes to the local rescue mission. As I’ve been purging and cleaning, I’ve been aware of a recent run of shares by friends on Facebook about minimalist living. I’ve read the articles and there is so much that appeals to me about the idea, and we are certainly continually working toward having less, all the while consuming more, and it seems to be a bit of a merry-go-round for us. As I talked with one friend this week about how to actually pursue a minimalist lifestyle, we both agreed that really, the most effective way to get there would be downsizing one’s house. And since I’ve already declared that I am never, ever, ever moving again (at least not for a very long time, Lord willing), that’s not going to work. Just the change in storage space has forced me/us to re-evaluate what we hold on to, but I know we can continue to do more to reduce our possessions, eliminate excess, and simplify life.

My other big goal is working through the book Cleaning House with the girls. I cannot recommend this book highly enough, even if your kids are already hard workers around the house. I will do another, more focused post on it and our experience, but her analysis of where our “helpfulness” as adults is taking our kids is eye-opening and motivating (and maybe a little frightening).

That’s pretty much it for us. This week is going to be a fun one for the kiddos, so hopefully I’ll be able to post again soon….like less than a month.

Have a blessed Monday, friends!

For His Glory ~