That Duggar Post: A Follow Up

May 26, 2015May 26, 2015 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

Holy cow. You all are awesome. Your love for my post on Friday regarding the Josh Duggar situation and my personal take on it caused it to take off. The feedback I received was filled with grace and encouragement (eh, for the most part), and I thank you all for that. That said, I feel like I need to clarify a few things.

When I wrote that post, I knew that it would get **some** additional traffic, due to the timeliness of the material and the incredibly personal nature of it. But I wrote it for my usual audience, most of whom know me personally and know my heart and my mind on many of these topics. However, I had no idea how much additional traffic it would get. Had I known that, I may have been clearer about a few more things. And because of that, I want to be clear: in absolutely no way am I condoning Josh Duggar’s behavior or (entirely) how his parents handled the situation. As I stated in my original post, I have not read the police report for very specific reasons, but what I have read leads me to believe that the family dealt with the situation in a way that seemed best to them at the time. Does this mean that it truly was the “best way” or that everything was done that needed to be done? Not necessarily. Does that mean that airing the Duggars dirty laundry on Facebook, Twitter, and all the media outlets is the best way to promote healing for a family that is deeply troubled and hurting? Absolutely not.

And that was the point of my post. Not that Josh didn’t do anything wrong. He did! And not that his parents shouldn’t have handled it differently. Maybe they should have. (and their health and healing today. And my point was that we are broken, scarred people – all of us – in desperate need of grace and love from one another and in desperate need of a Savior. Even those of us that claim the cross daily live with the consequences of our choices, big and small. And we all make terrible, sinful choices that affect others. And others around us make choices that affect us. Hope and healing come when we speak honestly about those things rather than masquerading perfection. When we live real, others can find their own hope and healing too.

I know this post won’t get the traffic the other one did. But at least it’s out there. And maybe it clears some of the questions up, maybe it doesn’t. But I again call for us to show grace upon grace upon grace. To each other. It is up to the Duggar girls whether or not they will forgive Josh and / or their parents. It is not our sin to forgive or judge. But we win the most when we show love.

Mercy and forgiveness must be free and unmerited to the wrongdoer. If the wrongdoer has to do something to merit it, then it isn’t mercy, but forgiveness always comes at a cost to the one granting the forgiveness.

Tim Keller

For His Glory ~

Grace We Don’t Deserve

May 22, 2015May 22, 2015 / Sara Vincent / 13 Comments

I have words today, lots of them. But I have even more emotions that I can’t seem to sort through. The news of Josh Duggar and his crimes against young girls have my heart breaking and my head in a dark place today and I’m struggling to make sense of it all.

You see, I was molested by a teenage boy when I was a young girl. This is a part of my story I’ve never told here. It’s never seemed appropriate or relevant or something I could put words to anyway, so I didn’t share. I’ve shared openly in other forums, just never here.

And so this story strikes close to home for me and my family and I feel ill, physically ill, and my heart absolutely breaks for the whole Duggar family.

I’ll admit, I’ve not read the police report, and I’ve only read a couple of the news reports. I really don’t want or need to know details and I’m protecting my own mind from going places it doesn’t need to go in light of my own background. But, from what I’ve read, it seems that Josh confessed what he did, repented, it was dealt with with the proper authorities, and the family has tried to heal and move on from unspeakable tragedy and shame happening under their own roof. Even before this all went public, the Duggar family was sentenced to carrying this shame forever, secretly or publicly. They could never forget. JimBob and Michelle cannot and will not ever probably forgive themselves for what happened under their own roof, under their watch. Josh will forever live with the guilt and shame of what he did to those girls. And those girls, they are forever scarred and will carry the shame of a sin they did not commit for the rest of their lives.

But now it’s all public. Very public. The whole world knew them already but now the world knows more than it ever should have. Not only were these girls robbed of their dignity by someone they should have been able to trust to protect them, now they’ve lost the veil of secrecy that they had from the world. This was their story to tell and that has been stolen from them too.

And when we hash this out on social media and berate Josh Duggar and/or his parents or the faith they grew up in, we abuse these girls all over again, but publicly now. Their dignity, their shame, is the price of admission for the world to express their hatred for the Duggar family. And it needs to stop. Those girls, Josh’s family, JimBob and Michelle, they all need time and space and grace to heal.

Sometimes I love social media, but it’s times like this I hate it. We do not sit in the judgment seat – either temporally or eternally. So let’s choose grace upon grace and even more grace. Because we are all broken, we are all sinners, and though your sin may not seem as big as someone else’s, we’re all filled with darkness and desperately in need of light and grace and hope. Let’s show some today.

For His Glory ~