The end of November, it drags like an eternity, and it’s hard to give thanks and laugh delighted when your heart pounds raw with every beat, and so I just stay quiet. A season that is normally my favorite comes and I wish with all my heart we could just skip it this year.
Christmas just doesn’t feel the same when part of our family is so keenly missed. And the glitter and lights and music just make her absence more obvious.
We Skype on Friday night and my heart, it just can’t take it, this saying good bye again. We promised the girls we would decorate the tree and nothing goes right – not enough lights and a broken tree stand and a DVD player for watching Elf that only works when it wants to. And late I sit in front of the tree, lit without ornaments, and I sob heavy over this pregnancy with no due date and I surrender my hopes – small and foolish as they may be – of her being home by Christmas.
Saturday dawns, head pounding and heart still aching, and I curl up on the couch with God’s word…
But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
~ Lamentations 3:21-26
And as I work and run and pray my way through the day, my soul it finds rest. And I am reminded He is still God and He is still good. I write it on the kitchen chalkboard. And joy, it creeps back in, and peace, it floods my heart. And every ounce of me still aches to just have her home, but I still have so much to be thankful for because He is still so good to me.
2244. slow, quiet Monday
2245. not sleeping; talking to God in the dark
2246. time on the couch with my people
2247. going to bed early
2248. children who see their own sin and seek change
2249. quiet nights with easy bedtimes
2250. days that are long and I want to run and hide
2251. a sweet girls night out, even for just ninety minutes
2252. feeling raw and stripped bare
2253. Friday…blessed Friday
2254. long dates
2255. laughing hysterically at the Tim Hawkins show
2256. lingering over dessert
2257. breakfast and more time to connect
2258. a cleaner garage
2259. tank tops on November 17
2260. fifth date in two days and feeling so loved
2261. child who helps me through grocery stores
2262. another child who puts dinner in the crock pot
2263. grace when things are broken
2264. twelve hours of sleep for this sick mama
2265. a new day and feeling much better
2266. a season of thanks
2267. long weekend ahead
2268. family together
2269. a day at home
2270. a less-than-quiet Quiet Time
2271. girls’ Christmas shopping nearly done
2272. a movie, late on Friday night
2273. another child turns seven
2274. a Christmas project kicked off to benefit the orphanage
2275. a God who can move mountains
2276. a God who never stops being good
2277. hard Mondays, fought with tears
2278. cold, cold mornings with candle burning and quiet before the Lord
2280. running on empty
2281. news of more friends adopting – oh the wonder!
2282. an evening to be creative
2283. Christmas decorations partly up
2284. doggy snoring
2285. a God who leads gently; asking Him to change my heart
2286. Skype and a broken heart
2287. the tree that would not be decorated
2288. tears that won’t stop falling; holding on to hope
2290. new friends; a community God is building around us
2291. house finally decorated; tree a-glow
2292. that Christmas feeling finally coming on
2293. date night – every time a gift
I am blessed beyond measure….
For God’s Glory ~
2 thoughts on “When It’s Hard to Say Thanks….”
He is still God and He is still good. Thanks for sharing this story of faith, a testimony of grace. I need to cling to this truth when my sorrows seem bigger than I can bear. May He continue to comfort you and bless you.
A pregnancy with no due date. That’s nails it. Faith shines brightest when it glows in the dark, like an elf sword when orcs are around; I admire faith the most when it comes into the room gritting its teeth or dripping with tears.