It’s been a quiet week here. My brain felt as if it were wrapped in a thick blanket and my thoughts just felt all jumbled and non-sensical. My attitude and behavior kind of betrayed that, as well. So I have tried to stay quiet.
As we come to the end of the week and a couple days of warmer weather and sun have cleared my head a bit, I recognize the battle I am fighting with being content and finding joy where I am right now. Discontentment tells me all the ways I would be happier if …. God’s word says “godliness with contentment is great gain.”
I don’t always enjoy being a home school mom and finding contentment there has been an on-going struggle. I don’t think saying that makes me a bad home schooling mom. I think saying that makes me honest. I love my kids and I’m very happy with how they are learning and progressing in school, so that’s not the issue. I love being at home with them and the wonderful time we are able to spend together. It’s just that they’re always here. Always. So sending my kids off to school every day and having hours at a time to myself? That sounds so luxurious! But that’s not where God has me. And I’m sure that’s not where God has me on purpose, because of the countless ways He uses my constant exposure to these human chisels to shape me – to make me more gracious, more patient, more selfless, and more like His Son. I really wish relaxing on the beach could somehow have the same effect….
So if our educational options aren’t changing anytime soon (which they aren’t, because I still have a TON to learn about patience and selflessness), the only other option is to learn contentment. And there’s really no fast track on that road, either. It seems to be a matter of continuing to constantly say thanks, to see all as grace, to not consider my blessings burdens, and to continue to follow hard after the One who is perfecting each of us, day by day. If I seek to be filled up by this job of home schooling, I’m going to be disappointed every time, because really it’s a daily emptying out, like much of mothering, and these kids aren’t responsible for filling up my empty places. Only God can do that and He didn’t give us home schooling for that purpose. He gave us home schooling to reveal how desperately we all need His grace and mercy every day and how empty we all really are without more and more of Him.
In other news, we received word this week that Amania’s passport is “in process”. We are tentatively hopeful that we will have that in the next month or so, then it’s on to the US Embassy and her Visa. So, maybe, maybe???, home this summer? We’ll see.
School has taken until bedtime (or close to it) for the second week in a row for the younger two. God bless them for their perseverance and sticking with it, but this has to change. It’s a little ridiculous. I’m praying through how to make things work and have some ideas, so we’ll see how next week goes. We’ve gone from having too much free time on school days to having zero free time. Surely there’s a balance in there somewhere?!
Emma’s having a couple of friends over tonight to (finally) celebrate her birthday (early December). She’s kind to understand that her mama can’t handle birthday parties in the midst of Christmas craziness, so she always gets to wait until January.
Speaking of Emma, I’m pretty sure she and all her sisters are about to grow a lot. All I hear about (or so it seems) is how hungry everyone is. All.the.time. And as a non-foodie-type, constant requests for food wear me out pretty fast. Today, after being snapped at by a child who was apparently starving to death (and I was doing nothing about it!), I decided to come up with a paraphrase on Ephesians 4:26, “Be hungry and do not sin…” It may also work for dieting husbands, but I wouldn’t know anything about that. 😉
And speaking of husbands, my very wise and wonderful man realized this week that this mama needs a little break, so he’s whisking me away for a quick overnight, some quantity quality time, and to finally see Les Miserables (woot!). He’s definitely a keeper.
That’s the update around here. Wishing you all a wonderful weekend! May all that you do draw you closer to God and those you love.
For His Glory ~