Clouds

July 22, 2013July 22, 2013 / Sara Vincent / 2 Comments

Day after day, she lives in shadows. Clouds hang overhead with glimpses of sunshine to break the monotony. And there is no reason for the lingering dark, but it hangs on just the same. She says nothing about the darkness because there’s no explaining the clouds when all the world sees is a beautiful springtime. And where is God who seems to stay so distant, so far off? He reigns regardless of the rain. And it is He who makes the sun to shine that also sends the clouds, and these dark, quiet seasons cause growth yet unseen. And the hope of relief comes through a friend reaching out and just that glimmer of hope causes the sun to shine a bit brighter through the shadows and she follows hard after God, trusting Him for grace for each moment, mercy for each day, and hope that is an anchor.

2648. choosing joy, peace

2649. knowing feeling follows action

2650. listening for God’s gentle whisper

2651. meeting a long time Facebook friend in real life

2652. beautiful summer night, Mexican food, a patio, and a friend

2653. house starting to feel like home

2654. gift of seeking God in the dark

2655. closeness

2656. vehicle running again

2657. a lighter heart

2658. another room organized and unpacked

2659. fourteen years of marriage

2660. long, relaxing weekends

2661. giant elephant ears and red hibiscus

2662. Monday and a new week

May His light fill all your dark places and may His hope give an anchor to your wandering heart.

For His Glory ~

Taking Wing

July 8, 2013 / Sara Vincent / 1 Comment

On a Monday evening when many things are going well but several seem to be coming apart at the seams, it is fitting to stop and count the gifts. We don’t know what tomorrow holds but we know who holds us together. And tonight I lean into Him, trusting that He’s led us here and will lead us on and meet our every need. For He is a God in the details and all He does is good, even when it feels hard and makes our heads spin.

There is a fable about the way birds first got their wings. The story goes that initially they were made without them. Then God made the wings, set them down before the wingless birds, and said to them, “Take up these burdens and carry them.”

The birds had sweet voices for singing, and lovely feathers that glistened in the sunshine, but they could not soar in the air. When asked to pick up the burdens that lay at their feet, they hesitated at first. Yet soon they obeyed, picked up the wings with their beaks, and set them on their shoulders to carry them.

For a short time the load seemed heavy and difficult to bear, but soon, as they continued to carry the burden and to fold the wings over their hearts, the wings grew attached to their little bodies. They quickly discovered how to use them and were lifted by the wings high into the air. The weights had become wings. {from Streams in the Desert}

So we pick it up, whatever it is, and carry it with us. And we trust that our burdens will become blessings and our weights will become wings.

2636. the rock solid promises of God’s word

2637. my sweet Chandler who is ten; the gift she is

2638. the weekend and fellowship with friends

2639. America’s freedom

2640. weeks that seem long

2641. a Social Security number on its way!

2642. a long Friday afternoon

2643. rest for everyone

2644. beds for little girls

2645. God in the details

2646. four day weekends

2647. wings

May you find wings this week, friends.

For His Glory ~

Week in Review: 2013 {Week 22} – And Some Honest Thoughts from an Adoptive Mama

May 31, 2013May 31, 2013 / Sara Vincent / 2 Comments

Oh this week. It’s Friday. May has lingered long, and this week has lasted longer, and the mother guilt weighs heavy this week. And to even speak what weighs down seems unthinkable. For it seems that with our Haiti girl I’m not supposed to get tired or frustrated or discouraged. Because things are going so well when they could have gone so wrong. And I realize that. That things are going better than I ever hoped at this point. But our girl, she’s six, acts like she’s four, and has the verbal skills of a two year old. And I’m plain worn out. And sometimes it feels like such an overwhelming gift to have her here and sometimes it feels like I’m babysitting someone else’s kid. Indefinitely. And lately, I just want to hide from it all.

Perhaps some other mama, adoptive or not, can identify. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this emotionally isolated, this mentally alone. Probably since I last had a two year old. Add in moving and all that means for a family of seven and I’m ready for lengthy trip somewhere very far away.

And I listen over and over again to Jason Gray and his album A Way to See in the Dark and so many songs speak deeply, but this one puts words to feelings we struggle to articulate…

I’ve spent some days looking
For a length of rope
And a place to hang it
From the end of my hope
But where I thought hope had ended
I always find a little bit more

……

My heart is not lifted up
My eyes are not lifted up
But calm and quiet is my soul
Like a child with its mother is my soul

After a while in the dark
Your eyes will adjust
In the shadows you’ll find
The hand you can trust
And the still small voice
That calls like the rising sun
Come

And bring your heart
To every day
Run the risk of fearlessly loving
Without running away
You must run the risk of fearlessly loving
Without running away

Jason Gray, Without Running Away

And here I sit, quietly waiting for God to do a miracle in my heart and move me from where I am now.

But God is good and it will all be worth it and He writes redemption and He restores and He is doing something amazing here and I’m blessed to be a part of it. And I really am thankful, even in the midst of the tired and worn. Because it is a gift. But it isn’t easy. As one introspective child said this morning, “Nothing feels the same anymore.” No, sweet girl, it doesn’t. It’s hard sometimes right now, but it’s going to be so much better. Soon.

And I go back to a quote from Pastor Jim and cling to that…

When life is at its darkest – when the Giant Despair has you locked up, and the black raven won’t leave your door, and the demons whisper ‘give up hope’, don’t do it, don’t give up, look up…and say ‘God’. The greatest faith is born in the darkest hour of despair.

For His Glory ~

Week in Review {2013: Weeks 18 & 19}

May 10, 2013 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

The past two weeks have been fairly uneventful. Emma had a piano recital last Saturday. I am still so proud of her and her determination to master a piece that, by all accounts, was too advanced for her. Emma and Chandler attended their first track practice on Sunday evening. We told them they could try it out and we would pray about letting them participate this summer. A decision has yet to be reached on that, though. Regardless, they loved it and I want to do what I can to encourage all of the girls to be active.

Today we will (more or less) wrap up school year 2012-2013. A couple of the girls have some finishing up to do next week and some slacking to make up for in the coming weeks, but “formal” school ends today. This has been a year of a lot of trial and error on curriculum. We tried a lot of new stuff at the beginning of the year. Some of it we pushed through and just finished. Some of it we changed at semester. Some of it we will do again next year. Some of it we won’t. But overall, it’s been a really, really good year. There have, as always, been character issues brought to light and we have all grown and changed. Hopefully for the better. The slower pace of life after pulling out of most of our extra-curricular activities has been an amazing gift. And while I know we probably won’t go that slow next year or in future years, I have savored every minute of the slow this year. We are all so ready for the summer and a long break, but at least I’m not coming out of this year feeling like I just got home from a war. 😉

The big, bittersweet news of this week is that after talking casually about it for years and praying a lot and looking just a little, we bought a new-to-us house this week. Those who know me, especially those I was texting for prayer on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday, know how hard this decision was for me personally. I love my house. We first saw this house nine years ago today and I loved it from the moment I walked in. We have raised our family, up to this point, in this house. Grace has little to no recollection of our first two homes. This is the house our girls know and have lived life in. It will be very hard to leave this house. But over the years we have come to realize there are certain things we want to give our girls that this house will never be able to provide. Hence, our casual search over time. Last Saturday, Matt was browsing through the MLS (not an unusual activity for him) and found a house within our price range that appeared to have everything we needed / wanted. He went to the open house on Sunday. He took me back on Sunday night. We went back again on Monday and walked through the house for an hour and a half. Long story somewhat shorter, we reached a final price agreement with the owners on Wednesday and signed the contracts yesterday. Lord willing, everything will go according to plan and we will be moving sometime next month! I was still struggling with how long it would take for that house to feel like our home until yesterday afternoon when we were able to take the girls over and show them. Watching them walk (or maybe run) through the house, checking out all the rooms and the yard and everything, it truly felt like home. Funny how that changed in my life without me even realizing it. I have placed a lot of sentimental value on this home we are in and it will be hard to leave it because of the memories and blood, sweat, and tears we have put into this house. But I realized yesterday that my home is where my people are and this is a move we are making for them. So, soon we begin the crazy journey of packing up a large house full of seven peoples’ stuff (really just six….I can’t blame Amania for too much “junk” yet) and preparing this house to sell. I will miss our quirky neighborhood and all the wonderful neighbors we have, and especially the friends our girls have (finally) made in the last year. But we believe this is where God is leading us and we know God is good and we are excited, even if somewhat anxious, for this new chapter in our lives.

So that’s about it for life around here. Not much going on really. 😉 This weekend is going to be a busy one with lots of activities the next three days. Looking forward to some sunshine (Lord willing!) and time with family as we celebrate some birthdays and Mother’s Day. May your weekend be blessed and filled with God’s best gifts!

For His Glory ~

Pushing Out Fear…

April 23, 2013 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

Fear, it creeps in and threatens to cover like a heavy fog. Fear of the unknown, the uncomfortable, the uncertain. And the only way to combat the consuming fear is to intentionally whisper the thanks. All day long. Every day. To combat the clouds outside that start to overwhelm the inside, a constant listing of the tangible gifts to push away the fear of the intangible, the unseen.

2483. an afternoon with Chef Ruth, eight meals stacked in my freezer

2484. a Thursday to be home all day

2485. naming the enemy out loud, in prayer

2486. peace in our home

2487. sunny and 70*

2488. a day to go slow and be productive

2489. windows open, fresh air blowing in

2490. 86* in March – yes!

2491. bare legs and sunshine

2492. choir and art and awards ceremonies

2493. catching up on so much with my beloved

2494. allergies – knowing spring is coming even though snow is forecasted

2495. long talks with my big girls, learning more about their hearts

2496. that they still want us in their world; that window still open

2497. choir spring concert – incredible talent and leadership; a beautiful evening of music

2498. nearly a month’s supply of groceries bought

2499. girls who encourage and help me put them all away

2500. Haiti girl turning six

2501. a Visa for our Haiti girl – what a birthday!

2502. Maacs over for another year

2503. art ribbons and beautiful music

2504. third-born’s brave speech – eager to try again

2505. time to catch up a little with a dear friend

2506. friends taking girls to the Passion Play, us on one last date for a while

2507. craft room cleaned out, organized; a place I’d actually want to craft something now!

2508. a bathroom sink

2509. husband who spends his Saturday serving his family

2510. two more sleeps….

2511. being covered in prayer and encouraged by so many

2512. three hours of sleep

2513. a venti caramel mocha

2514. traveling with my favorite

2515. delayed flight

2516. arriving in the dark, her smile lighting up the compound

2517. meeting her birth parents

2518. her joy as she realized she was really coming home with us

2519. Pastor Daniel’s prayer over us

2520. an unbelievable Good Friday

2521. watching her mix in seamlessly with her sisters

2522. a party to welcome her home; her staying close to my side

2523. introducing her to so many that have prayed her home

2524. Resurrection Sunday – an empty tomb, death defeated

2525. three quiet hours in my bedroom – much-needed rest

2526. back to the school routine

2527. her just fitting in so well

2528. calling “mama” to get my attention

2529. nodding “yes” to a hug from Matt

2530. a week of inside hard

2531. a loneliness that turns to God

2532. an encouraging note that makes one strong

2533. laughter and sunshine and being together

2534. the gift of meals in the freezer

2535. an overwhelming homesickness – signs of healthy emotions

2536. prayers – countless prayers; love and support from so many

2537. her eating food; a whole new child by Friday

2538. all the girls laughing

2539. kitchen dates

2540. just talking with my mama

2541. long talks with my girls

2542. swimming

2543. early morning walks

2544. winter that just won’t end – this too a gift

2545. sunshine

2546. garage sales

2547. date night – glorious date night!

2548. happy girls

2549. chips and salsa on a Sunday night

2550. Jason Gray playing on repeat

2551. time with my Jesus

For His Glory ~

Week in Review {2013: Weeks 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12 – wow!}

March 26, 2013 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

So, really, this is more of a month (and a half) in review. Sheesh. This post has literally been in process since February 18. Sad. So sad. I don’t even remember half of what happened in that time frame.

So we’ll hit the highlights….

We had snow. Lots of snow. Much needed, but we’re now over it. I saw tonight the weatherman predicted more snow for next week. Possibly several inches. I may scream.

We waited for adoption news. We rejoiced with others who got good news. We grieved with those who have not. And we prayed. A lot. For everyone at our orphanage in this process.

And then we got good news! And more good news! And tomorrow we travel to bring our girl home. Still so entirely unbelievable. And all the big stuff is finished, but several little, non-important things still hang out there. I had planned on getting them done tonight, and still may. But since we dropped the girls at Matt’s parents a little bit ago, it’s as if the emotional weight of the past month just hit me and I’m exhausted. So I may just go to bed early and trust the Lord that those little things will be there when we get home. Because they will. 🙂

We were blessed to go on a beautiful little family get away in early March. We headed out to Denver where we visited the Science and Technology Museum, the state Capitol, and ate dinner at Casa Bonita (horrible, horrible food; cheesy family memories). We stayed with wonderful adoption friends Tracy and Christy and their three girls and visited our adoption agency and met our wonderful caseworker Patrick. So good to finally put a face to the man who has walked so much of this road with us.

Then we journeyed on down to our favorite family place – Lost Valley Ranch. We hiked. We rode horses. We endured blizzard conditions. The girls went sledding. It wasn’t as picture perfect as we had hoped, but it was still a wonderful time away and something we will remember for a long time. I’m already itching to go back. 😉

The Colorado State Capitol

Ellie at one mile above sea level

At the Science and Technology Museum

Yeah. We’re that cool.

Ah, Casa Bonita….

The Lost Valley cattle guard. Oooo Ahhhh!

Matt about ten minutes after we arrived in Lost Valley.

Lost Valley beauty

Waiting for dinner.

Even the stuffed animals get turn down service.

Got snow? Still we ride.

Goldie and Remington. Goldie hated me.

I waved the white flag on 7. At least on the clothing portion. The two week period in which we were doing clothes has experienced temperatures ranging from 86* to single digit wind chills and six inches of snow. AND I had two days to spend at an arts competition with a fairly strict dress code. There was no way to do that with seven items of clothing. Not to mention that I discovered by day 2 that I apparently stink when I re-wear clothing. I was offending myself with my odor. So, wave the white flag, I did.

We also had the girls’ fine arts competitions. They all did well and I had wanted to post pictures of them with their art and ribbons, but those pictures have not been taken yet and if I wait to post this after I get those pictures this may turn into a year in review post!

That’s it for me tonight. Have a wonderful rest of the week, friends. My next post should be of our “official” family of seven!

For His Glory ~

7 – An Update

March 13, 2013 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

Random thoughts I had while doing fourteen days of whole / minimally-processed foods:

The definition of torture: making bacon for the girls’ breakfast while on a no-processed-foods diet. Ugh.

Day four of whole / minimally processed foods – I am sick.and.tired. of making every single meal we eat. First world problem, I know, but still, I don’t love cooking. I don’t mind it and I enjoy it a lot more than I used to, but it’s still not my favorite, and I really don’t enjoy cooking from scratch (more or less) three meals a day, seven days a week (or just four at this point). I’m sure there’s a balance out there somewhere. Maybe I’ll find it soon. Until then I’m off to go make my own salad dressing. Or dehydrate my own fruit. Or butcher a grass fed cow. Or anything else involving food preparation, because I feel like that’s all I do right now.

Day 5 – You know something’s not quite right when you go to WalMart in search of the one and only creamer that looks like it *might* fit into this minimally processed diet, only to find out they no longer carry it, and you seriously consider abandoning your half-full cart and leaving in tears.

I was very thankful today that we are not on Clothing this week since I spilled about a cup of chicken “juice” on my pants while making dinner. That wouldn’t have been fun to wear for very long. Although, I’m sure the dog would have loved me.

Speaking of chicken, I am not made for “pioneer living”. Dismembering a whole chicken kind of killed my appetite, so I skipped dinner.

**************

So the Food portion of 7 has come to an end. I confess that I fizzled out the last few days. Between adoption excitement and the craziness that comes with preparing a family of six to go out of town for the weekend, I couldn’t keep my sanity and prepare “whole food” meals. So I opted for a paraphrase of Proverbs and decided “peace with take out is better than a house full of whole food with strife”. So we ate pizza and all were happy.

Travelling and maintaining a whole foods diet is next to impossible, especially with children involved. It’s one thing for Matt and I to go to Jason’s Deli or Chipotle or wherever else might fit. It’s quite another to feed a family of six at those places. Not because our kids don’t love both of those establishments. It’s just that our budget isn’t a huge fan. So processed foods made their way back into our diets and some very interesting observations were made, number one of which was the fact that after about two days, all of us felt horrible and heavy. And even after just ten days of whole foods, processed foods tasted exponentially saltier and / or sweeter, as the case may be. By the time we made it to our ultimate destination (Lost Valley Ranch), the girls (even my less-than-healthy eaters) were voluntarily asking for fruit and salads with their meals. So while we all spent vacation feeling bloated and heavy, it was encouraging to see all of us realize the difference good food makes.

Clothes are up next. Fourteen days, seven articles of clothing. I have narrowed it down to 1 pair of jeans, 1 knee-length skirt (because MAACS is the next two Fridays – of course!), 2 short sleeve tee shirts, 1 sweater, 1 long sleeve tee shirt, and shoes. Right now I’m trying to limit myself to one pair of Toms and a pair of flats (thank you, again, MAACS). We decided exercise clothes don’t count toward the total, considering that right now I’m sitting in 6 items of clothing from exercising this morning and I can’t exactly live in running clothes for the next two weeks.

I am thankful for all that was learned and how I was stretched during food. Shaking up our routine allowed me to see more of who I really am and caused me to lean harder on Jesus. It made me contemplate how I am taking care of this body He’s given me and how I’m teaching our girls to take care of theirs. We only get this one chance and this one earthly form. I want to steward it well.

I am eager to see what the Lord does over the next two weeks with clothes.

For His Glory ~

7 – The Beginning of Our Experiment…

February 25, 2013 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

It all started as a conversation while running. My friend Melissa and I were discussing a book to read together, something we like to do from time to time. We were reading Sacred Parenting, but having just finished Sacred Marriage it felt like too much of the same. So she mentions 7 and I admit that the premise of that book terrifies me and she agrees and yet, somehow, a mile later, we’ve talked ourselves into reading the book and doing the experiment. I suggest that a month on each item sounds like too much but a week doesn’t sound like enough, so we settle on two weeks per “fast” (and right now, on day 3 of food, it’s quite possible her husband hates me and she may not be too fond of my either by day 12 or 13).

So she and I and our husbands (and hopefully another friend once her stomach bug goes away) began 7 on Saturday. Tim and Mel go hard core and choose their seven food items for two weeks. I’m just not spiritually mature enough to do that yet, so here we decide to do whole / minimally processed foods for our fourteen days. This has been more challenging than one would think. Like yesterday when I sat at a family birthday party and ate raw carrots and broccoli while everyone else enjoyed smoked short ribs, potato salad, and cake. *sigh* Or when I was trying to find a snack before church to replace my Sunday doughnut treat and I grabbed the jar of peanuts, read the label, and promptly had to replace it. Who knew dry roasted peanuts had so many ingredients?!

Today was the first day I actually felt “deprived” though. I had a strong craving for sugar, preferably chocolate. And this evening, while cleaning the microwave with vinegar, I developed a desperate desire for salt and vinegar chips. And I’m not even pregnant. Sheesh.

Still, I struggle a bit with this whole thing. I wanted to make a peanut butter granola this week to have on hand for snacks, but the peanut butter I had on hand had a second ingredient of “sugar” (even though it is a “better” peanut butter). So, I went to the store and bought “even better” peanut butter so I could make my granola. And somehow it felt wrong. If I’m supposed to be involved in a “mutiny against excess”, perhaps I should have just done without the peanut butter (and by default – the granola). So I’m wrestling with how to recognize all we have and take for granted without losing my sanity at the same time. I suppose this is why God wanted me to do this in the first place…

{More to come, I’m sure, over the next 14 weeks….}

For His Glory ~

When Your Eyes Are Opened Once Again…..

February 21, 2013 / Sara Vincent / Leave a comment

Ann writes this post yesterday from Haiti and as snow falls outside this morning in Kansas, mixed with thunder and lightning, I read and God speaks somewhere deep. This, this is what the Lord has been trying to show me. Through discomfort, discontent, seeking, searching, 7, finances, and the hungering emptiness inside, He’s been calling me. Telling me I’ve forgotten. I’ve gotten comfortable in the world again and embraced it. He tells me it’s time to seek His face more than I check Facebook. It’s time to be about His interests more than I’m about Pinterest. It’s time to turn my heart back out to the world, not to become more like it, but to love like Him.

And my heart breaks at the realization. How do I so easily forget God’s goodness? How do I become blind to His good graces? How do I become so complacent and forget the poor and needy and hungry and hurting when my own daughter is one of them? It’s a gradual thing to go from walking so close to wandering in the dark. Oh that this wandering heart would hold fast to what is really real.

And Ann writes these two things…

And the fast the Lord wants is to break free – free from indifference…

And the bare bottom line is that if you are going to keep company with Jesus, you are going to have to give up keeping up with the Joneses.

And in a Facebook-Pinterest world it’s a hard thing to give up the keeping up. And I don’t know how to do it really, clearly. Other than to throw myself at my Jesus’ feet and ask Him to keep my eyes open and my heart raw and teach me to love like He does – to love people more than things, souls more than status, His kingdom more than this world.

Lord, have mercy on us…

For His Glory ~

A Reflection on Lies We Believe

February 1, 2013 / Sara Vincent / 2 Comments

Last week was wild busy and I didn’t have time to think about the downward spiral my mind was caught in, the rapid free fall my thoughts had given way to. How does a depression that I can count on coming always manage to catch me off guard and suck me in before I realize how bad it’s gotten? It came early this year with the realization that the holidays would be spent without Amania and I just couldn’t ever get off that emotional roller coaster. And last Saturday night it all came crashing down. Matt and I sat at dinner and I cried over my chimichanga. We talked long about kids and marriage and life and ministry and so much more. We went to bed, depleted and numb, and I opted to stay home on Sunday morning, unable to come up with the energy to put on my “church face” and pretend like all was well when absolutely nothing seemed “well” at all.

So, God and I, we sat and talked over coffee and the Bible and a legal pad. I listened and I took notes. And I recognized the lie that the devil had been whispering to my soul for months. I don’t know when it happened, I know it sneaks in from time to time, but I picked up that old lie again – that lie that I have to be someone else, we have to be someone else. That their marriage is better; that their kids are better behaved, better adjusted. That her home is cleaner, better decorated, more peaceful. That she’s in better shape, seems to have it all together, never gets discouraged. That her husband does this and their kids do that and she never seems to struggle, so what’s wrong with us? That in everything, in every way, I have failed.

And God, He so gently reminded me that He made me just the way I am. Yes, I am expected to grow, mature, and become more like His Son, but that doesn’t mean becoming some other created being. When He made me so long ago, He knew what my bent would be – how I would love, how I would mother, how I would teach, serve, live. He knew I would struggle with patience and I am confident that He laughed just a little as He placed each girl in my womb and in my heart at my general intolerance for drama (other than my own, of course). When He gave me a husband whose primary love languages are physical touch and encouraging words, He knew that those would be the two love languages hardest for me to give. He knew. And I can rest in the fact that He knew. I don’t have to compare our home, our family, our school to the family down the street or across the country or on the other side of the computer screen. I can rest confidently in what He is doing right here, right now, in our home, in our family. He knew exactly what our strengths and our struggles would be when He brought us all together. I can also trust that He’s not finished. He will keep working in us and through us and for us – for His glory and our good. So I choose to rest confidently in Him and in His promises. He is faithful.

For His Glory ~